I sit here at the same spot along Ayala Avenue right after work, like I always do, waiting until the gated pedestrian lane opens at exactly 8:00 pm. This I do because I'm too lazy walking the extra mile and climbing several flight of stairs from the underpass. My body maybe languid. But how my mind lingers from one thought to another makes up for its lethargy. It's a love-hate relationship with this brief window of free time. It's almost inevitable. Mostly I allow myself to be vulnerable with it. I light a cigarette or two, pondering how my life turns in a way I'm always anxious about. Some days are good though, when I savor little victories from the rumpus of daily labor. Some days I want to be Dynaerys Stormborn and command my dragons to smolder everyone and their pathetic sensibilities into ashes.
|Flicker Image from Daniel Guy|
A lot of things consume me. I should not allow it. But time was wasted from my youthful transgressions, I have no more room for mistakes. I need to take it in all at once. I need to accelerate, to compensate. But sometimes it gets too much, I need to break free. Maybe I need this brief window of free unadulterated time to engage in this insanity, so I can be sane again as soon as the gate opens. Then I'm ready to cross the street and leave all these behind. Tomorrow's another day.