"You've got to find what you love..." - Steve Jobs (February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011)
It’s almost two years now since I reached the BIG 3-O dilemma. To this date, I still feel the chill of the reality sinking into my being. Has it really been three decades? And the long years of living along the fast lane has finally caught up on me and now I’m faced with the inevitable - exiting the freeways for the service roads to get at my real destination.
But where am I really going? That’s when it gets a little scary ‘coz, honestly, I haven’t really figured it out. I have stalled in a mode where I look at 30 as a far-fetched vista from where I am standing. I conveniently dismissed any pressure with the thought that I am still young. I was convinced that it’s a smart way of self-preservation. I’ll just cross the bridge when I get there, so I said. And then the "mystical" bridge came. Trust me, the cross over was almost as painfully lyrical as the Angel song of Sarah Mclachlan (Read: “Spend all your time waiting for a second change, for a break that would make it okay. There’s always some reason to feel not good enough…").
I still vividly remember the moments when Van (my girl_friend) and I were singing to the tune of Plumb’s REAL - “Look at me I’m 23, beautiful, a sight to see tonight!” during our carefree night-outs. Can’t believe that’s almost a decade ago. And every time I look at the mirror and sing to that same tune, I get chills ‘coz I can’t own up to it anymore. Suddenly I felt so validated that beauty is really skin-deep! Thank God! (winks!)
Reality checks here. Reality checks there. Now I’m having a profound affair with reality. Gone are the days when the only affairs I maintain are the “tricky” ones with another lost human being. Now I have to think twice whether it’s worth it. Most of the time, I’d rather be alone because it’s less complicated. Reality checks… again. See?!
After graduating from college, I have this clear vision of myself making it through the real world. Thwarting every obstacle that comes my way. Being filthy rich by the time I get 30. Then reality bites here. Reality bites there.
Sometimes, I regret watching “Reality Bites” movie, ‘coz it burst my bubble of a romantic vision of myself conquering the world. It kept me grounded.
Now that I am 30-ish, I have gone through the rite of passage. I know it’s okay to feel a little petrified. But it’s juvenile to make excuses anymore.
I want to close this with a video of