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It’s the time of year again… a cacophony of the vexing wedding bells starts to fill the air. And just recently, I’ve been invited to one of my friend’s wedding on, read the date, 11.11.11 (and why not, dates like this don’t come along often). And so I hesitantly obliged, at least for the sake of our friendship.
The wedding ceremony was actually beautiful, but I felt like a vampire slowly annihilated by the fierce sunlight.
Why do I hate weddings? Well, it’s an occasion when I feel that the closest thing I get to be “normal” is to attend it as mere spectator. I could never be a groom (sad)… nor a bride (sadder)! It depresses me. When I was younger, I was bold enough to embrace being different. In fact, I celebrated it. I felt “astig” to come out there in the open, defining my life in rainbow colors! No holds barred. No apologies. As long as I don’t hurt anyone, I’m gonna do what my heart yearns. The delusional exuberance of youth.
Although, I have no regrets, there’s a part of me still clamoring for “normal.” I wanna be as normal as I could. But what is normal, really?
I’ve been to hell and back in those dark, confused stages of my life. The path to emancipation was treacherous, at least, inside my head. I thought I’ve already come into my full terms. But the ghosts of my distant past started haunting me again.
As soon as the church door opened and my “blushing bride” friend walked down the aisle, I suddenly had an epiphany. Could this be the one missing in my life? I wanna have that moment too – when all eyes are set upon me as I walk gloriously in my fabulous haute couture white dress! Oops! Wrong epiphany! This is just a fragment of my delusional imaginings from my other personal issues! (winks) Sorry for the confusion. My personal ghost might have been lost in its haunting! hehe I’ll spare you now from a hideous graphic of my bald, goatee-d self in a bridal gown.
This recent occasion led me wondering, did I really make good choices in life? Is my courageous stunt of challenging the “conventional” worth it? I mean how many “great love affairs” do I need to be in before I get tired of it? (naks, ako na ang kalbong mahaba ang hair!... hehe) The fountain of youth is slowly drying up and I haven’t settled yet. Or have I missed the boat? Suddenly the voice of that creepy, lithium-laced ice cream addict spinster (from Sex and the City) lurked inside my head, telling me, “You only have two great love affairs in your lifetime.” If that scared the hell out of Carrie for having served her sentence with Big and Aidan, imagine how I took it for having served all the Patricks, Johns, Russels, Joeys, Markeys, Dales and Aces of the world! I turned into a nutcase! "I always thought someone better will come along... never happened!" the creepy spinster continued. (Ahhh! Stop it, will you! I'm really starting to hear her voice! Crazy much? hehe) I’ve reached my quota long before I could think of ever settling down. Jeez! Has this “love battlefield” reduced me into just being a bride’s best friend, a god-father of their offspring… an outsider looking in? They're all starting to have a "conventional" family of their own while I'm still... well... here.
And why do I sound like a bitter bridesmaid? I’m an effin' guy for chrissake! (winks)
When do I become such a walking cliché? Tsk. Tsk. This got to stop.
The Wedding Grinch
And since I'm a masochist, I wanna render a song number just to add an insult to the injury! Here goes.
Image credit: Tucia
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